Jewish
WeddingJewish
Wedding
The importance of marriage in the Jewish tradition is summed up in the Talmudic statement that when one marries, one becomes a complete person. Marriage is regarded as the ideal state. In the Book of Genesis, God tells Adam that “It is not good for man to live alone.” A Jewish marriage celebrates the creation of a new Jewish family and is a step toward keeping with the first mitzvah to “be fruitful and multiply.” The mystical teachings of the Zohar says, “God is constantly creating new worlds by causing marriages to take place.” Thus, Judaism has always viewed marriage as a sacred covenant.
Your wedding day will likely be one of the most significant occasions in your life. It is a consecration, a sanctification of life itself. Indeed, the Hebrew word for marriage is kiddushin, “holiness.” It is derived from the Hebrew word kadosh, which means to be holy, separate and distinct. When you enter the bonds of kiddushin, you enter a relationship that says to you and to the world that you are now set apart from everyone else. Your lives are now inextricably bound together by a holy bond. The Ba’al Shem Tov, founder of Hassidism, said it well: “From every human being there arises a light that reaches to heaven. When two souls are destined to find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being.”
Rabbi Jonathan Berkun and Cantor David Muchnick will officiate as the wedding of any couple who are either the children of Jewish mothers or who have been converted to Judaism according to the process designated by Jewish law. Divorced individuals must have secured a get, or Jewish divorce, before remarriage. Please consult with Rabbi Berkun on these matters and we can help you.
Rabbi Jonathan Berkun shall officiate or oversee at every wedding in the Main Sanctuary and Chapel. In the event you wish clergy from another synagogue or temple to co-officiate, you need to discuss this with us so that a letter of invitation can be sent to the requested clergy.
The Auf Ruf ceremony is a unique occasion to honor the groom and bride in the context of the community at-large at a synagogue service. The word Auf Ruf, derived from the German, refers to the “calling up” of the couple to the Torah for an aliyah (the Torah Blessings) giving public recognition and welcoming the newest Jewish family to the congregation. At this time, the Rabbi will bless the couple and inform the congregation of their forthcoming marriage. Traditionally, the Auf Ruf is scheduled on the Shabbat immediately prior to the wedding. If that Shabbat is inconvenient, the Auf Ruf can take place earlier. If the family wishes to throw candy, to shower the couple in sweetness, it should be thrown after the aliyah.
According to Jewish Law, two witnesses, knowledgeable and observant Jews, related to neither the bride nor the groom, sign the Ketubah. Often, the clergy can serve as the witnesses.
After the signing of the Ketubah, a short ceremony called Bedeken – the veiling of the bride – takes place. Most famously, this is reminiscent of the scene in the Torah when Jacob thinks he is marrying Rachel, but when the veil is lifted after the marriage, he had wed her older sister, Leah. Actually, though, the true source of the bedeken comes a generation earlier when in Genesis 24:60, we read the story of Rebecca’s first meeting with Isaac. As Isaac, who is to be her husband, approaches, “she took her veil and covered herself.” Thus, when the groom lowers his bride’s veil, she is blessed with the words offered to Rebecca by her mother and brother, before she left for her marriage to Isaac: “Oh sister, may you grow into thousands of myriads….”The Rabbi recites verses of blessing as the groom veils the bride.
The custom of escorting the bride and groom to the Chuppah is an ancient one. Throughout Jewish history, brides and grooms have been compared to kings and queens, who always appear with an entourage. The tradition of attendants continues to this day. Jewish Law does not fix the order of the procession and the number of participants. Some customs have continued over the years, and these may help serve as guides. The family may decide the order of the procession and who stands under the Chuppah. Non-Jews may be part of the wedding procession. Many families provide for a marriage coordinator to aid in facilitating these arrangements. Since Judaism has always emphasized the important role of parents, it is usual for the couple to be escorted by their parents or to have their parents stand at their side under the Chuppah. At the conclusion of the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom walk down the aisle together, followed in reverse order by those who participated in the processional. The shoulders of the bride and the women in her wedding party must be covered to reflect modesty. All men in the wedding party and in the congregation must wear a kippah or yarmulka. You may wish to buy color coordinated kippot imprinted with the date and names. These are available through your local Jewish bookstores or your party planner.
The central symbol of the wedding is the Chuppah or wedding canopy under which the bride and groom stand. The Chuppah, representing the home they will establish together, has four corner posts but no walls. Traditionally, the bride’s and groom’s parents stand around the couple beneath the Chuppah to symbolize that parents are the foundation upon which the bride and groom will establish their own home. The open walls of the Chuppah indicate that the couple’s new home should be open, an integral part of their extended family and community. The Chuppah may be as simple as a tallit suspended on poles or as elaborate as you wish.
The giving and accepting of an item of value in the presence of witnesses is the most important part of the Jewish wedding ceremony. It has become almost universal Jewish practice to use a ring as the token of the marriage bond. Just as the ring has no beginning and no end, it is the wish of every bride and groom that their love be unending. One ring, given by the groom to his bride, is required by Jewish law. However, double-ring ceremonies are now the norm. The ring must be made of plain metal, usually gold, with no precious stones and of one piece. The ring to be given the bride must belong to the groom. After reciting the marriage proposal aloud, the groom places the ring on the index finger of the bride’s right hand and recites the appropriate betrothal formulae.
HARAY AT M’KUDESHET LI B’TABAAT ZO K’DAT MOSHEH V’YISRAEL
By this ring you are consecrated unto me as my wife in accordance with the law of Moses and the people of Israel.
The bride places the ring on the groom’s finger and recites words from the biblical book “Song of Songs.”
(ANI L’DODI V’DODI LI - I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine) or other words expressing the love the couple shares.
The Ketubah is a Jewish legal document confirming the religious bond of your union. It does not replace a standard civil marriage license that the officiating Rabbi will need in order to perform the ceremony. A marriage license can be obtained by applying to the County Clerk’s Office and should be arranged within thirty days prior to the marriage. The traditional Ketubah has been used by Jews for more than two thousand years, and is written in Aramaic, the language of the Talmud, or in Hebrew. The great innovation of the Jewish marriage document is the recognition that not only love, but also responsibility is necessary in a Jewish marriage. The husband’s primary obligations are listed in the Ketubah, declaring that he must cherish and honor his wife, provide for her support and sexual fulfillment. In pre-modern times, his financial obligations in case of death or divorce were also spelled out to insure the woman’s welfare. The Ketubah can be a beautiful work of art. Should you decide to have a Ketubah especially designed, be sure to commission an artist well in advance so it will be ready in time for your wedding day. Please also confer with the officiating Rabbi to ensure the proper text and exact spelling of the Hebrew names and places in your Ketubah.
The Wedding Ceremony
Flowers enhance the beauty of the ceremony and the celebration which follows. Any florist can be utilized, but must be approved by the Synagogue and must have a copy of Certificate of Worker’s Compensation Insurance on file in the Synagogue office. Lit candles are not permitted in the Main Sanctuary because of fire hazard. Hurricane glass covers must be used in order to protect lit candles at dinner by order of the fire marshal. No deliveries of any kind, including that of flowers or floral preparations, may be delivered during Shabbat.
Photographs and videos ensure a lifetime of memories. Please note the following Synagogue regulations regarding these two important items. Pictures may be taken during the wedding ceremony without a flash. The professional photographer may photograph the wedding party at the rear of the Sanctuary or Chapel during the processional. Posed pictures may be taken before and after the ceremony. The video photographer may record the Bedeken, the signing of the Ketubah and the preparation for the wedding procession. Both the video and still photographer must have a copy of Certificate of Worker’s Compensation Insurance on file in the Synagogue office.
The ceremony itself consists of two distinct and successive portions. The first is betrothal, or Erusin, which includes the betrothal blessings and the first cup of wine, the marriage declaration, and the giving of the ring. This is followed by the transition stage when the Rabbi reads the Ketubah. The second ceremony, the nuptials or Nisuin, consists of the seven wedding blessings. After these are concluded, the Rabbi addresses the couple and then pronounces them husband and wife. This is followed by the threefold priestly benediction. Then, a glass is broken by the groom, “Zecher LaChurban.” This is done in memory of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem in the year 70 C.E. and the centuries of exile that followed. In our day, the breaking of the glass also serves as recognition that we live in a world in need of fixing and that we have high hopes for the good that this couple will doe in the world. The breaking of the glass concludes the wedding ceremony. Following the recessional, many observe the custom that the bride and groom proceed immediately to the bridal room where they spend a few minutes alone. Called “Yichu,” this experience gives the newly married couple a peaceful time for shared reflection before the wedding reception.
Kosher wine is used in virtually all Jewish ceremonies of joy and celebration. Two glasses of wine are used in the ceremony, one for Erusin, betrothal, the other for the Nisuin (the marriage ceremony). In each case, the bride and groom share the same cup. They may, if they wish, use their own Kiddush cup.
After the initial blessings over the wine, the Rabbi recites the Birkat Erusin or betrothal blessing. The bride’s attendant raises the bride’s veil as she and the groom share the wine, after which the veil is lowered. It will be raised again for the second cup of wine, and at that time, remains off the bride’s face.
The following blessings are chanted in Hebrew. These blessings, said over the second cup of wine, trace the evolution of loving relationships, from the first couple (Adam and Eve) to the very moment of the marriage we are celebrating. The text of the blessings is as follows:
Praised are You, O Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe, Creator of the fruit of the vine.
Praised are You, O Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe, Who created all things for your glory.
Praised are You, O Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe, Creator of humankind.
Praised are You, O Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe, Who created man and woman in Your image, fashioning them as mates, that together they might perpetuate life. Praised are You, O Lord, Creator of humankind.
May Zion rejoice as her children are restored to her in joy. Praised are You, O Lord, who causes Zion to rejoice at her children’s return.
Grant perfect joy to these loving companions, as You did to the first man and woman in the Garden of Eden. Praised are You, O Lord, who grants the joy of bride and groom.
Praised are You, O Lord our God, King of the Universe, Who created joy and gladness, bride and groom, mirth, song, delight and rejoicing, love and harmony, peace and companionship. O Lord our God, may there ever be heard in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem voices of those joined in marriage under the bridal canopy, the voices of young people feasting and singing. Praised are You, O Lord, who causes the groom to rejoice with the bride.The ideal Jewish home is one in which there is Shalom Bayit, an atmosphere of peace and harmony. It is a home in which virtues are taught more by example than by precept, and where the joy of living is found in shared tasks and responsibilities. We hope this will be your home, and we wish you every happiness in your new life.
The wedding reception is known as a Seulat mitzvah, a “mitzvah meal,” because it is a mitzvah to celebrate with a bride and groom. If you will be celebrating at ATJC, please contact Steve Pollak at Events by Premier, Inc. (305-931-4118) to arrange for Kosher food. It is also customary to begin the meal with motzi (blessing over bread) and conclude with a special birkat haMazon, blessing that recalls the Seven Blessings recited under the chuppah.